Appotus Dominus

Angel · Joined: 22 Jul 2008 Posts: 32 Location: Illinios

treat for you guys who like jokes. Ill post a new one each day (until banned)

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My wife came home the other night and told me to take off her blouse.

Then she told me to take off her skirt.

Then she told me not to wear her clothes anymore
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Drill · Joined: 06 Aug 2007 Posts: 266

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in an unknown tongue> wtf ?

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Smile

Neferakhen · Joined: 05 Aug 2008 Posts: 69 Location: under your bed

Angel · Joined: 22 Jul 2008 Posts: 32 Location: Illinios

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How many racists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None -- they don't want to be enlightened!
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Angel · Joined: 22 Jul 2008 Posts: 32 Location: Illinios

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On the seventh day, God said, "Let there be football."
And it was good.

Later that day, God said, "Let there be one team to rule the others and set the standard for excellence."

With that, he plucked a star from the heavens and placed it on the helmet of silver and blue.

God said, "Let it be called, ''The Dallas Cowboys'' - America''s team."

Later that day, God said, "Even Cowboys need a**holes."

So he made their fans.
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Beetyt · Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 3:58 pm Post subject:

hahaha that one is particular funny to me as a die hard cowboys fan

tho growing up in southern ca, you've never seen a real asshole fan until you've met a die hard raiders fan. but i'll be an asshole, it's okay, my cowboys will rock this year Smile

brenl · Joined: 02 Mar 2007 Posts: 879 Location: Watching...Waiting

Beetyt · Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 5:05 pm Post subject:

getting to the playoffs is a good thing ... finishing first in the division is a good thing ... i was actually at the loss to the giants, and it sucked balls. but that's the way it went ...

not sure how 13 wins constitutes a bad season Rolling Eyes

Healinyou · Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 6:26 pm Post subject:

the cowboys can win 15 games and it would be a bad season since first of all it's the cowboys, 2nd they have TO and 3rd they have pacman jones. I could never stand the cowboys before these two joined, but liked them even less after.
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Beetyt · Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 7:07 pm Post subject:

So many people hate my beloved Cowboys and I'm not sure why (actually I am, but that's not the point).

Fact is, I hate TO and I'm wary of Pacman. But I still love my Cowboys. So long as they shut their damn mouths and just play football (admit it, TO has been uncharacteristically quiet -- roughly -- since going to Dallas) then I'm fine with it. I'll never forgive him for dancing on the star as a 49er, but it is what it is.

Omegadon · Joined: 16 Sep 2006 Posts: 622 Location: Dallas, TX

Ive been a Cowboy fan my entire life. GO COWBOYS!!!!
Fuck the GIANTS, fuck the EAGLES, and last but not least FUCK THE REDSKINS!!! Twisted Evil

but the biggest assholes of them all no contest are the Eagles Fans. I mean shit, they even throw snowballs at Santa Claus.....what kind of sick twisted shit is that???!!! Shocked

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Kruzar · Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 90

Go COWBOYS!!!!!!! Gonna be kickin ass and taken names this year.... Hells Yeah.....

Neferakhen · Joined: 05 Aug 2008 Posts: 69 Location: under your bed

the extent of my football knowledge:

Go Gators! ....?

Back to the jokes ><

"A pianist walks into a club that is having open auditions and he asks the bartender if he can try out. The bartender tells him that it's too late, the tryouts are over. The pianist, however, tells him that he's been practicing and that once he hears him, he will be knocked off his feet. The bartender agrees to it and the pianist gets on stage.

After 3 minutes of the most beautiful melody the bartender has ever heard, with tears in his eyes he applauds the pianist. He asks about the name of the song; "Dick and Shit", the pianist replies. The bartender is taken aback and asks the pianist if he has any other songs. The pianist nods and plays an even more beautiful song. As he finishes the bartender is amazed, once again, and asks about the name of that song. "Tits and Ass", the pianist replies.

The bartender sighs and tells him that he can play that night, but he must refrain from telling the people at the club the name of the songs. The pianist agrees, and comes back later that night.

After playing for a full house for a set and having people demanding encores and rising from their chairs to applaud him, he goes on break and to the bathroom. When he walks back out a woman from the audience approaches him and quietly tells him: 'Do you know your dick is hanging out of your zipper?' The pianist says: KNOW IT? I WROTE THAT SONG!"

Sorry, I'm lame for jokes lol

frostseer · Joined: 11 Jun 2008 Posts: 138

THE GAY FLIGHT ATTENDANT
(This one is too funny to not forward.)
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight
attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the
aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce
that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely
people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be
super.'

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and
rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.
'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I
asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can
pitty-pat us on the ground.'

She calmly turned her head and said, 'In my country, I am
called a Princess and I take orders from no one.'
To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without
missing a beat, 'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a
Queen, so I outrank you.
Tray-up, Bitch.'
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Wizpopfizz · Joined: 08 Jan 2008 Posts: 652

the dirty pianist is actually based on true events to some degree, who was the artist in question?

Mozart.

Mozart had a few mental issues, primarily coprographia, the need to draw/write filth, kinda like the dude in superbad who couldn't help but draw dicks. Mozarts most famous composition along these lines, is entitled "Lick out my arsehole", and if you can find it, is an amazing piece of music, despite the title.
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Mildane · Joined: 03 Aug 2005 Posts: 49

Two blueberry muffins in the oven. One muffin says, "Does it seem hot in here to you?". The other muffin replies, "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!"

Neferakhen · Joined: 05 Aug 2008 Posts: 69 Location: under your bed

a baby chick tells another chick: "chirp"

the second baby chick replies: "chirp"

the first one goes "chirp chirp"

and the second one goes: "do not dare change this conversation!"

brenl · Joined: 02 Mar 2007 Posts: 879 Location: Watching...Waiting

Man's Holiday:

This is why a new holiday has been created......

March 20th is now officially 'Steak, Blow job & Shut the Fuck Up Day!
Simple, effective and self-explanatory...this holiday has been created so your ladies can have a day to show your man just how much you love him. No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town the name of the holiday explains it all...just a steak, a BJ & shut your mouth for the rest of the day! That's it!

This twin pairing of Valentine's Day and Steak, Blow job & Shut the Fuck Up Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in February to ensure a more memorable March! It's like a perpetual love machine.

The word is already spreading, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love and peace to this crazy world.
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http://www.myspace.com/dcarrie1007

Some people are just good at masking ignorance as brilliance.