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Appotus Dominus .: The Drunken Masters of Vazaelle :.
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saeinya
Joined: 06 Oct 2008 Posts: 745
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Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 3:24 pm Post subject: hahaha |
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I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails
> over the past year.
> Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door
> without using a paper towel.
> I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I
> don't know what the last person was doing while flipping
> through the channels.
> I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can
> only imagine what has happened on it since it was last
> washed.
> I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood
> anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all
> kinds of nasty germs including feces.
> I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been
> driving because the number one pastime while driving alone
> is picking your nose.
> Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I
> can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have
> consumed over the years.
> I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has
> placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.
> I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one
> about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to
> use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
> Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for
> the same reason.
> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick
> girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for
> the 1,387,258th time.
> I no longer have any money at all, but that will change
> once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL
> are sending me for participating in their special e-mail
> program
> I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214
> angels looking out for me, and St.Theresa's novena has
> granted my every wish.
> I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually
> horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I
> smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
> Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get
> answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and
> make a wish within five minutes.
> Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because
> it can remove toilet stains.
> I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along
> to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my
> back seat when I'm pumping gas.
> I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who
> make these products are atheists who refuse to put
> 'Under God' on their cans.
> I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it
> causes cancer.
> And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of
> water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my
> face...disfiguring me for life.
> I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I
> could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug
> me with a perfume sample and rob me.
> I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they
> are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
> I no longer shop at Target since they are French and
> don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
> I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to
> dial a number for
> or which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica ,
> Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .
> I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman-Marcus since
> I now have their recipe.
> Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine
> because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat
> to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
> And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up
> $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was
> placed there by a rapist waiting underneath my car to grab
> my leg.
> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000
> people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea
> will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the
> fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to
> grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
> actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
> ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
> beautician... |
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reijo
Joined: 23 Apr 2005 Posts: 1019
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Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 8:06 pm Post subject: |
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KFC is great, i don't care what kind of mutant chickens they use! |
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saeinya
Joined: 06 Oct 2008 Posts: 745
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Posted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 12:22 pm Post subject: |
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haha believe it or not.. i love kfc and lost like 30lbs eating it every day for a year |
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Mandaar Guild N00bert
Joined: 22 Apr 2005 Posts: 6389
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Posted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 7:49 pm Post subject: |
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You probably died and just don't know it yet Sae. |
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Hzath
Joined: 31 Mar 2007 Posts: 686 Location: Purdue
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Posted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 9:10 pm Post subject: |
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Saeinya, you're my hero |
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Abso
Joined: 17 Aug 2007 Posts: 100
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Posted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 9:37 pm Post subject: |
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Rofl Mandaar,
Nice response. |
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