Appotus Dominus

[Healinyou]

My teacher posted this on our class boards:

The Great Philosophical Questions

o Why do hot dogs come ten to a pack, but hot dog buns only eight to a pack?

Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?

What’s another word for thesaurus?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

What if there weren’t any hypothetical situations?

Why are there Braille numbers on the buttons of drive up teller machines?

Kamikaze pilots wore helmets. Why?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?

Why can women wear an evening gown to a night club, but they can’t wear a night gown to a nightclub?

Who invented liquid soap and why?

Babies don’t need vacations. So why do I see them on the beach?

How come whenever I think about the past it brings back so many memories?

What is the fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot?

If you didn’t know me, would you think I was a stranger?

Where do you get the little tractors and plows for ant farms?

How deep would the oceans be if sponges didn’t grow there?

In those restaurants where they serve frog legs, what do they do with the rest of the frog? Do they give him a little frog wheel chair to go sit in the subways and beg for bugs or what?

How come there are two ways to spell one, three ways to spell two and only one way to spell three?

Why do people stand in the elevator, facing the door and quietly stare up at the numbers?

Is this something our parents made us do when we were kids--elevator practice?

How come I always get the shopping cart with the wobbly wheel that pulls to the right?

What is room temperature?

What’s up?

Why do all nonconformists dress the same?

It’s said, “You know what they say...” What I want to know is, who are they? And just who do they think they are? Why are they 3rd person plural?

Why can’t you make wine out of raisins so it’s already aged?

What if birds were tickled by feathers?

Why can’t people tickle themselves?

Why are green berets red?

What is off white?

Why do all the Looney Tunes characters have speech impediments?

If Pluto’s the dog, what’s Goofy?

Mickey Mouse wears pants and no shirt; Donald Duck wears a shirt and no pants--what’s up with that?

Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

Why are they called apartments when they’re all together?

Why do women go to the restroom in groups?

Why don’t men ever stop and ask directions?

Why is it, when someone thinks the milk’s gone bad, that they want you to smell it?

When sour cream goes bad, how can you tell? Isn’t it already sour?

Why is it called rush hour? No one’s getting anywhere in a hurry.

What happened to all the erasers off the miniature golf pencils?

Where can I get unscented perfume?

Why hasn’t Ronco invented the cordless extension cord or the decaffeinated coffee table?

Where can I get pierced hearing aids?

How come two wrongs don’t make a right but three lefts do?

Why are body building contests judged by men?

Why do ballerinas stand on their toes? Why not just get taller women?

How can you be arrested for resisting arrest?

Were any of the prophets peripheral visionaries?

When they asked Washington for his ID did he just take out a quarter?

How come when you’re wearing a hat it feels like you’re not and when you take it off it feels like it’s still on?

When you jump in a lake, do you get wet or does the lake get you?

If Olive Oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

If a Smurf is choking what color does it turn?

If a parsley farmer is sued can they garnish his wages?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why do they bother to announce power outages on TV?

When sign-makers go on strike who makes their placards?

Why do people carpet the lids of their toilet seats?

If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don’t you ever see anyone take one to the beach?

Why do they call it a building when it’s finished. They should call it a built?

The opposite of pro is con. Does that mean the opposite of progress in congress?

Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but not to use the bathroom in a handicapped stall?

Why do people get their tires rotated? Don’t tires rotate on their own?

Who was the first person to feed cow’s milk to his kids? Here son try this! Never mind where it comes from!

A bus station is where a bus stops, a train station where a train stops. Is that the real reason we all want a work station on our desks?

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

If they arrested the Energizer Bunny would they charge it with battery?

Is it true that five out of four people have trouble with fractions?

How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

If a tin whistle is made out of tin what’s a fog horn made out of?

If quitters never win and winners never quit how can I quit while I’m ahead?

Who stopped the payment on my reality check?

Why is it that the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I’m in the bathroom?

Are Lipton employees allowed to take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow how cold is it going to be?

If Americans throw rice at weddings do Orientals throw hamburgers?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

Why do they call it the department of the interior when it’s in charge of everything out doors?

Why is it that if you tell a man the world is round he’ll believe you but if you tell him a bench has wet paint he has to touch it himself?

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to cure it?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as 4's?

Whatever happened to Absorbine Senior?

If Ben Hur changed his name to Ben Him would he be Ben Gay?

Why do they put locks on stores open 24 hours?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts", and you put your two cents in what happens to the other penny?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

When cheese gets its picture take, what does it say?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. How could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me...they're cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver mail?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

No one ever says, "It's only a game", when their team is winning.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

What ever happened to preparations A through G?

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is a boxing ring square?

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin.

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

Why is it that to stop Microsoft Windows, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

If you throw a cat out of the car window, does it become kitty litter?

Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?

What do chickens think we taste like?

What do people in China call their good plates?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there flotation devices in the seats of planes instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?

How does the guy who drives the snow plow get to work?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

If a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime, what does a freedom fighter fight?

If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn your head lights on, what happens?

Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
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[Teklan]

did your teacher really write all this or was it an email or handout haha

[Healinyou]

I go to an online school, so it was posted in our forums....but I'm sure he just copied and pasted it.
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