Appotus Dominus

[saeinya]

I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails
> over the past year.

> Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door
> without using a paper towel.

> I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I
> don't know what the last person was doing while flipping
> through the channels.

> I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can
> only imagine what has happened on it since it was last
> washed.

> I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood
> anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all
> kinds of nasty germs including feces.

> I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been
> driving because the number one pastime while driving alone
> is picking your nose.

> Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I
> can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have
> consumed over the years.

> I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has
> placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

> I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one
> about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to
> use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

> Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for
> the same reason.

> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick
> girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for
> the 1,387,258th time.

> I no longer have any money at all, but that will change
> once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL
> are sending me for participating in their special e-mail
> program

> I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214
> angels looking out for me, and St.Theresa's novena has
> granted my every wish.

> I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually
> horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I
> smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

> Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get
> answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and
> make a wish within five minutes.

> Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because
> it can remove toilet stains.

> I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along
> to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my
> back seat when I'm pumping gas.

> I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who
> make these products are atheists who refuse to put
> 'Under God' on their cans.

> I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it
> causes cancer.

> And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of
> water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my
> face...disfiguring me for life.

> I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I
> could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug
> me with a perfume sample and rob me.

> I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they
> are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

> I no longer shop at Target since they are French and
> don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

> I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to
> dial a number for
> or which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica ,
> Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .

> I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman-Marcus since
> I now have their recipe.

> Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine
> because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat
> to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

> And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up
> $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was
> placed there by a rapist waiting underneath my car to grab
> my leg.

> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000
> people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea
> will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the
> fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to
> grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
> actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
> ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
> beautician...

[reijo]

KFC is great, i don't care what kind of mutant chickens they use!

[saeinya]

haha believe it or not.. i love kfc and lost like 30lbs eating it every day for a year

[Mandaar]

You probably died and just don't know it yet Sae.

[Hzath]

Saeinya, you're my hero

[Abso]

Rofl Mandaar,

Nice response.